I am crazy, but lately...

[beccij]

I read your post a while back about the problems you were having with your ex, and yes, he does sound like a total twit. But as some others have said here, I think it may not necessarily help your boy to tell him that his father doesn't love him. I am a teacher, so I work with kids all day, some of whom tell stories that would break your heart. Kids may have a notion that a parent doesn't care/doesn't love them, but they always HOPE deep down that they are wrong. If you confirm this by saying dad doesn't love him, it makes them feel far more rejected as they have been told this by an adult whom they will believe. It gives them less hope that the missing parent really does love them, so their self-esteem is a lot lower. In my opinion, next time he says this, just say that people love others in different sorts of ways..... that's a cover-all which may give your son a little hope back. It's very harsh for a kid to be told he isn't loved..... I can see why you may want to do this because of the way your ex has behaved, but it's not necessarily the best thing.

I am actually VERY surprised a psychologist has said that it is ok to tell a kid a parent doesn't love them. Personally, I think that's way out of line. I have had a kid in my class who's mother told him she didn't love him..... the effects were not positive. For a psychologist to say this is ok is not what I would expect.

*edited to add*
BTW- I am NOT having a go at you here, please don't take it that way. I am just sharing experience from the kids I have dealt with.

[RioDuranie]

From my own person experience with my two daughters I never once sad bad things about their dad to them. No matter HOW HORRIBLE he was to us.

Patty like my ex husband (might) yours too might turn his life around and really want to be there physically and emotionally for your son.

You do not want your son to one day have a relationship with is father and see that all the things you said about his father not loving him arent true this will only turn your son against you.

Right now let him believe what he as a child believes about his father when he is old enough he will make his own choice, as I know my girls will do with their father. Its not up to us to create a hate between a child and their father.

[Lipstx4evr]

I know you're hurting, but that boy is so beautiful!

My LaLa thinks so too!!!!!

You're in our prayers!!!!!

Heather

[pattylondon]

pattylondon said:

I've been thinking...

I love my son too much!

And his dad called him to tell he was going to see him -after all the suing thing and all- and never went; and my son told me... "Mom, my dad don't really love me?"

And I have to agree, what else I can say? But I told him, but mom loves you, your grandpa', your grandma', your uncles... and he said... okay, and did a face that reminded me Roger... so I guess I still crazy -lol-

I know there is nothing personal to me, but re read my post and you will see I never said your dad doesn't love you... and what the teacher said in case I didn't explain myself quite well was he is not hurted, he is saying that his dad doesn't love him because is tru, he feels his dad doesn't love him

So saying that, Gabriel may realize his father cares more about drinking, diggin' in to girls, commiting fraud against his mom, and many other things but him. Sorry I can't promise my son is going to love the man who prefer vicious life instead of his son. Is matter of logic here!

And I never have to tll Gabriel anything bad about his dad, in that case I am gulty of searching for him to come and see his son, but never showed.

Kids are incredibly perceptive, and I am not going to say his dad loves him, the teacher told me to say gabriel He has other things to do... but at the end, he ain´t stupid, as well as anybody who can realise my ex is a "lazybone plis slaker, alcoholic" and no sign to he may try to recover from that.

[damdemfries]

Patty, re-read this part...

And his dad called him to tell he was going to see him -after all the suing thing and all- and never went; and my son told me... "Mom, my dad don't really love me?"

And I have to agree, what else I can say? But I told him, but mom loves you, your grandpa', your grandma', your uncles... and he said... okay, and did a face that reminded me Roger... so I guess I still crazy -lol-

I realize the I have to agree, what else I can say is on the next paragraph, but continuing to read it, it still goes along with it.

I took that as "Mom dad doesn't really love me?" and you agree "I agree son." And, then lists those who do love him. Obviously not listing dad.

That's where I was coming from.

[pattylondon]

okay, I never told him dad...

But I am not ging to tell a lie either! Sorry...

I never told "your dad hate you", but I can't say "Hey baby, don't be foolish, he love you"!

And then when he grow, he'll hate me.

Am I the only one who don't get your point?

[fugitivepoet]

You can never love a child too much.

[La Princess]

I hope things get better for you. At least your son has you. Sometimes a kid only needs one parent who loves him.

[xxx]

such a cute baby

[Carina]

I was gonna stay out of this, but Patty, saying his father loves him isn't "lying" to him...it's protecting his self-worth. He's only 3...he's still at the point where the world revolves around him, as it should.

I guess I'm also questioning why he would ask the question about his father in the first place. If he has a good familial support, which it seems he does, is he questioning it because he sees fathers at the daycare, and he wonders where his is?